I Resolve To…

I resolve to only make resolutions that I will enjoy keeping. Why set myself up for failure? I always hate January at the gym. It is impossible to get a good workout in because of the crowd. Then February comes and the crowd goes away. There is a pressure to come up with a life changing resolution that actually changes your life. So, several years ago I decided to resolve to only do fun resolutions. Things that I enjoy and look forward to doing. Such as drink more wine. That was a enjoyable resolution that broadened my taste buds and appreciation for good wine. See more plays. Also enjoyable and resulted in lots of dates with my hubby. Play with what you have. My way of being content with what I have and it forced me to get more organized so I could find what I have. This year it is a toss up between get outside and hike or do more yoga. Both are things I enjoy and might actually help me become healthier. It might encourage me to focus on maintaining or bettering the good health that I have regardless of the cancer. Change is the bottom line for a resolution and the new year symbolizes new beginnings. I love in Scripture when Paul talks about believers becoming a new creation in Christ, the old is gone and the new has come! (2 Corinthians 5:17) This not only speaks of salvation, but of the sanctification process that Christ works in each believer. Although sanctification is ongoing, I feel that the new year encourages my partipaton in the process. It causes me to examine myself. Do I like what I see? My life goal is to make Jesus smile. Am I? I think get outside and hike will be my catalyst. Happy New Year!

In faith, Deanna

Half Full

IMG_5763I am a glass half full kind of person. I can’t help it really. I am blessed with being able to see different sides of a situation and I am naturally drawn to the full side. But sometimes my glass gets tipped over. It throws me off and it takes a bit to get it upright again. It’s like one of those days when gravity always wins and no good deed goes unpunished. There is a line in Psalm 22 that describes it for me exactly. “I am poured out like water…” Wow. If you have ever felt this way you know exactly the feeling David was describing. It feels like I am spent and I have nothing more. I have often heard well meaning believers say that God won’t give you more than you can handle. Well I don’t think that is exactly true. Without getting into a Scripture debate I declare my proof is in life. I know because at this moment I have more than I can handle. You disagree? You think I am handling? I am certainly not doing it in my own power. I am spent. Poured out like water. I think I have misplaced my glass and I am not going to look for it. Instead I will paraphrase 2 Corinthians 12:9 His strength is made perfect in my weakness.

Thanks JoAnne for reminding me!

In Faith, Deanna

Complicated

Patterns At PlayThis isn’t the first time someone has told me that I am complicated. I get it. I feel complicated. When I try to explain my medical history it is hard to get it all straight in my head and then verbalize. Every new doctor I see has to be educated in Deanna and from there do their best to figure out what I need. It is complicated. The human body is amazing.  Although we are individually responsible for our own health it is also a collaborative effort. We find ourselves at the mercy of insurance companys, doctors, nurses, assistants, technicians, labs, technology, appointment makers and even the person that checks us in. It is a delicate balance and it is complicated. When life gets messy I love David’s Psalms. How he pours out his heart. He holds nothing back from God and tells Him exactly how he feels because he knows God can handle it. David feels forgotten, fought against, slipping, guilty, brokenhearted, rejected, slandered, attacked by enemies, despised, mocked, insulted, surrounded by dogs, encircled by evil, stared at and gloated over– just to mention a few. Sound familiar? I am sure David felt complicated and he knew God was not suprised or baffled by compliciation.  I wonder how many times David thought back to how it felt to slay Goliath. How it felt to depend completely on God’s power, step into harms way and experience an impossible victory. I think he remembered Gods power through all the other complications in his life. I think so because when I read his Psalms I see that he not only pours out his suffering but he praises God in the midst of it. He knows that God can take care of his enemies, his suffering, his health, cancer, insurance and every annoying thing that comes against me. Okay I added those last three because they are personal. Like David, I remember how God has enabled me in the past. How He has carried me. God and I have history and like David I am confident in the mercy of my Lord and Savior. It is not death I fear but what I might have to endure to get there. It is complicated, this feeling of peace entangled in helplessness.  The feeling of wanting God’s will but telling Him exactly what I think I need. “I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy. I pour out my complaint before Him, before him I tell my trouble.” Psalm 142:1-2

In faith, Deanna

PS This week I was unable to do a scan because of insurance and see a specialist because I couldn’t get an appointment. Dr. S did spend well over an hour with Mark and I discussing options and what ifs. My next step is chasing down the specialist –Dr. H–to get a consultation and see if I am a candidate for a newish procedure. If that doesn’t pan out I have a few more options. In the mean time I am brushing up on prayer, persevering and trying my best not to be compliciated!

Still

IMG_6731“The Lord will fight for you, you only have to be still.”

I plucked this Scripture from the book of Exodus where Moses is speaking to the terrified Israelites just as Pharaoh and his massive army has them hemmed up to the Red Sea. Then, just as Moses tells them to be still, in the next verse God instructs them to move on. Then things get familiar. After all, the parting of the Red Sea is where all the excitement is. But the part that stands out to me is that the Lord will fight for me. And as I settle in to my happy place I realize my part. I need to be still. To be still is an action. Especially for someone who wants to do something.  It requires thought, discipline, perseverance and trust. The Israelites didn’t just go running up to the sea and it part like an automatic door opening into a department store. They had to stop and look around. See the enemy approaching. Realize their situation. Feel terrified and wait on God. God took a seemingly hopeless no way out situation and opened a way only He could open. That is how we can actually see God. How we know He exists. How we know His power.

Lately I have felt a bit hemmed in. Like I have turned a corner only to find a brick wall. I am trying to be still and not be frustrated with where I am. The introvert in me finds transparency exhausting. I came home from work today and slept. It was  one of those naps where you feel like you have just lain down and shut your eyes but when you look at the clock two hours have passed. I feel restored in rest and lately I am energized to share. That’s new for me. The thing I have realized this week is that I am not just going into battle but I am going into battle with an army. That is power.

In faith, Deanna

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cancer. Again.

IMG_6711It is hard not to feel just a bit put out. Like maybe I have done something wrong or failed to do something right. The ongoing frustration of not being able to stop the ride. I could be angry but I don’t know where to direct said anger. As a believer it is easy to say that God has a plan. But it is often difficult to feel completely on board when you don’t have the whole plan laid out in front of you. When life feels like a detour. Thyroid cancer is supposed to be a good one. Easily overcome.  But that just isn’t my experience. The introvert in me wants to hide away and quietly consider my situation. But that just isn’t working for me. So, what is a girl to do?  I will hold tight to my purpose -to know God, love Him, enjoy Him and glorify Him. And with that foundation I will take some advise given to me a few cancers ago, blog.  Phew, never thought I’d say that. I would love for you to come along side me. I apologize ahead for my bad grammar, rants, whining, periodic embarrassment and dry humor. I am thankful for this opportunity. As I begin my forth round of thyroid cancer, my goal is transparency and always to make you and Jesus smile.

In faith, Deanna

 

Taming the Keyboard Tongue

Blog Rocks

There is something about social media that encourages normally tongue-tied people to freely express their opinions. I often wonder if they were standing in front of 150 or so people would they use the same words? Would they speak out? I am often surprised when people I have known for years suddenly passionately proclaims to be an expert on something I have never heard them speak about. It is unfortunate that many of these are unconsidered opinions. They see something online and without much thought basically jump into bed with whomever. Those who claim to be believers in Christ are not immune. We are prone to rant and rave, act superior and misquote Scripture at every seemly worthy cause. (this is my cue to quote Scripture correctly) James 3:8 tells us that, “but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil full of deadly poison.”  We should consider our written or spoken words as potentially untamed deadly poison.

In the world of digital communication, we often hide behind our phone, tablet or computer. It feels safe, comfortable. I am not going to suggest we listen passively as others promote things out of line with our beliefs or passions. There are many times when we are called to be bold. I will suggest we take a moment before responding. Pray. This is where I resist the urge to pray for smart witty words that will put someone in their place. Instead, I have been asking for a genuine love for others.  To be a peacemaker. For the self-control to keep quiet or the wisdom to use words that will not bring harm. Our world is fast. We are programmed to think quick is good. And I will admit that I enjoy a quick witty response. We must remember that the printed word can carry more weight than spoken words and are more easily misunderstood. As believers, we must always honor God as well as others. The keyboard is a powerful tongue. Let us use our power for good not evil.