Complicated

Patterns At PlayThis isn’t the first time someone has told me that I am complicated. I get it. I feel complicated. When I try to explain my medical history it is hard to get it all straight in my head and then verbalize. Every new doctor I see has to be educated in Deanna and from there do their best to figure out what I need. It is complicated. The human body is amazing.  Although we are individually responsible for our own health it is also a collaborative effort. We find ourselves at the mercy of insurance companys, doctors, nurses, assistants, technicians, labs, technology, appointment makers and even the person that checks us in. It is a delicate balance and it is complicated. When life gets messy I love David’s Psalms. How he pours out his heart. He holds nothing back from God and tells Him exactly how he feels because he knows God can handle it. David feels forgotten, fought against, slipping, guilty, brokenhearted, rejected, slandered, attacked by enemies, despised, mocked, insulted, surrounded by dogs, encircled by evil, stared at and gloated over– just to mention a few. Sound familiar? I am sure David felt complicated and he knew God was not suprised or baffled by compliciation.  I wonder how many times David thought back to how it felt to slay Goliath. How it felt to depend completely on God’s power, step into harms way and experience an impossible victory. I think he remembered Gods power through all the other complications in his life. I think so because when I read his Psalms I see that he not only pours out his suffering but he praises God in the midst of it. He knows that God can take care of his enemies, his suffering, his health, cancer, insurance and every annoying thing that comes against me. Okay I added those last three because they are personal. Like David, I remember how God has enabled me in the past. How He has carried me. God and I have history and like David I am confident in the mercy of my Lord and Savior. It is not death I fear but what I might have to endure to get there. It is complicated, this feeling of peace entangled in helplessness.  The feeling of wanting God’s will but telling Him exactly what I think I need. “I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy. I pour out my complaint before Him, before him I tell my trouble.” Psalm 142:1-2

In faith, Deanna

PS This week I was unable to do a scan because of insurance and see a specialist because I couldn’t get an appointment. Dr. S did spend well over an hour with Mark and I discussing options and what ifs. My next step is chasing down the specialist –Dr. H–to get a consultation and see if I am a candidate for a newish procedure. If that doesn’t pan out I have a few more options. In the mean time I am brushing up on prayer, persevering and trying my best not to be compliciated!

9 thoughts on “Complicated

  1. Deanna, my prayers continue for you. I pray for the path for treatment and recovery to cleared by our Savior. I pray that He will remove all barriers of insurance for procedures, appropriate physicians to see you and completion of treatment plan for your healing. As I know all too well, the waiting can be so hard to deal with. So again I lift up your name to our Lord asking that His path for you be laid out to show His love, grace and healing touch.
    Wishing you a peaceful Christmas and New Year’s.
    Love,
    Diana

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Deanna, thank you for keeping us posted. The pursuit of health services is amazingly complicated. Persevere and with the help of God it will work out. Thankfully you have many people on your side, sending you positive thoughts and praying for you. And yes, I agree. You are complicated! Love ya

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Being complicated makes things so very interesting! Deanna, things will all work out in the long run with patience and perseverance. It is wonderful to have options and I am anxious for the next post by you and the next update! Much love, prayers and support!

    Liked by 1 person

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