There are things that happen in your lifetime that you know will leave you forever changed. My big three are my salvation, the death of my dad and the diagnosis of hypoparathyroidism. The first two are obvious and the last is obscure to most. Each enter my mind daily. For my salvation I am more grateful than I can ever express. Death is something we all experience and must deal with. Hypopara is an ongoing ever-changing pain in the you-know-where. Most people, including medical professionals just don’t understand exactly what hypopara is. It is not a common nor simple condition. Mine was medically induced in 2005. The first night home after my thyroidectomy I awoke in the middle of the night to numb hands, feet and face. This was much more than Mark-was-laying-on-my-feet and they went to sleep. I soon realized that this was on my list of oh-no symptoms. I spent the next couple of days in the hospital/doctors office receiving calcium intravenously. I was told my body could not absorb calcium and I would need to take it daily to keep my levels up. If it only was that simple!
The next several years was a lesson in being in charge of my own health. A lesson on the importance of education, discipline, transparency, perseverance and joy in my circumstances. Hypopara is a rare incurable condition that some people are born with while others are medically induced after damage to the parathyroid glands. These little fellas regulate parathyroid hormone PTH and can lead to decreased blood levels of calcium and increased levels of blood phosphorus. If I am low my first indicator is numb tingly hands and feet while feeling sluggish and fuzzy brained. Fuzzy brain causes me to not be on top of my needs therefore I can be slow to treat my symptoms. Officially it causes tingling or burning in your fingertips, toes and lips. Muscle aches and cramps in legs, feet, abdomen or face. Twitching or spasms of muscles. Fatigue or weakness. Painful menstruation. Patchy hair loss. Dry, coarse skin. brittle nails. Depression or anxiety. Phew! I feel anxious just thinking about it.
Everyday is a game of defense. I don’t leave the house without my meds. Everything I eat or do contributes to my condition. Stress and processed foods are my enemy. On my best days stress is low, I get enough sleep and exercise, eat real food and take my meds correctly. It isn’t easy to be me. Well, the healthy version of me. One thing I have learned is the diligence is worth it! People often say to me, “Oh, I don’t want to take medication” “I could never change my eating habits” “I don’t have enough time to (fill in the blank)” I can identify because I feel the same way, it just isn’t my reality.
Game changing is something we can count on in our lifetime. I just don’t know how people do it without Jesus. There are days I barely do it with Him! My big three will never change but I have changed. All I have experienced has made my faith stronger and my dependence upon my Lord more. I don’t want my life to be difficult but on some days it is. My identity isn’t in my illness or my life situation. My identity is in my Savior. My salvation is what changed my game.
In Faith, Deanna
I haven’t written in awhile. It isn’t that I don’t have anything to say. I am seldom without words. I have been busy. To quote a friend, “I’ve got stuff to do!”. I have been camping with hubby, to the beach with a girlfriend, training for a new BSF position, working and going to doctor appointments all over the place. All this while trying to be a good wife, daughter, friend, hairstylist… well, you get the picture. It is much of what each of us is strives to do as we go through life.
Being off thyroid replacement medication feels like you have been in a car accident. There may not be any visible injuries but every part of you aches. Even your hair. Then there is the brain fuzz. I imagine it was what my grandmother who had Alzheimer felt like. She realized she couldn’t remember. There is a loss of control and things teeter at the edge of recall. It is difficult for most people to understand that you are just not 100%. I look the same. Well almost. I look like the tired-didn’t-comb-my-hair version of me. Although I am able to function everything takes at least fifteen to thirty minutes longer and requires a nap. I will spare you the funnies about Husband having to guide me to the proper vehicle (too many choices), forgetting what year it is (after all it is only March- isn’t it?), forgetting to rinse out my conditioner (I am proud my hair got priority). It is good to have a sense of humor otherwise I would just refuse to get out of bed. And I have done a fair amount of that. This brings me to the out of whack emotions. There aren’t enough emojis to express how I feel. Not to worry because it is quickly passing, unreasonable, amplified emotions. Normal Deanna runs even and we look forward to her return.
I have a tendency to mindless overeating when I am stressed and sometimes when I am happy. Sugar is my drug of choice when I need a bit of a pick me up or I am distracted or just too busy. Currently I am floating on a sugar high and Easter candy is my new best friend. I have discovered that jelly beans are in season! They are reasonably priced, readily available and the selection is extensive. I admit that it can be a challenge to find the perfect bean. The jelly bean must be really fresh. I prefer bright happy colors such as orange, purple, blue or green with a nice fruity bouquet. A compliment to the firm coating that surrounds a soft smooth center. A burst of tangy yet sweet flavor intensity is the highlight of the bean and it what leads me to consume one right after another. I am only limited by my memory of running into a friend at the dollar tree when the maple leaf cookies were in season. I had to explain that the cookies were seasonal so the armload I had was for the year. They freeze quite well. No kidding. I am not sure I could use the same story for jelly beans. I guess I need to do a bit of research on freezing…
The first rain upon the earth lasted forty days and forty nights. Our current weather causes me to think I should gather some animals. Build a boat. Goodness gracious it is even raining in the movie currently playing in my living room! I wish I could say my attitude isn’t determined by the weather, but I can’t heartily proclaim that it isn’t. I am an outdoor gal in need of some vitamin D. I feel trapped indoors and seeped in dampness. Waterlogged, as if I will never be dry again. I don’t suddenly feel better when someone proclaims that at least it isn’t snowing. Bah humbug! Yes I admit to a touch of seasonal depression. I am usually able to rally and keep the blahs at bay. After all, a season marked by sweaters, snow days, soup, binge watching, napping and making plans for spring can’t be all bad. And so the rain and I continue. I have been trying to be in charge of my own health while depending on others. I am learning to be patient and at the same time be productive. I am learning to be content where I am as I am moved into a fresh perspective. Sometimes the winter drags on a bit too long and the rain feels neverending. I know that when spring comes she will be sweet. In the meantime I will put on my galoshes and wade on through. I am hoping it won’t take the full forty until the promised rainbow.
asked and otherwise 